I am obviously awake and not sleeping right now. It seems like my mind seems to be like a guinea pig on a wheel alot lately . I figured I would write on my blog since it's been a while and since I can't seem to stop my mind and I need to pour it out somewhere. It's been a struggle for me figuring out my triggers of why I eat . Obviously STRESS !!!! but in my crazy Jen mind that means alot of things. I will be the first to admit I hate conflict and I hate disappointing others. It seemed this week was full of all of that. I have to get it through my head that I can't make everyone happy, I need to be striving to be happy myself. Happiness seems to only come in small moments. I know happiness is all about attitude. You know knowing something is very different from understanding and applying it. I am still working on the second half.
The phrase that keeps coming back to me time and time again is ONE DAY AT A TIME! ONE STEP AT A TIME! The Lord really wants me to learn it because time after time that prompting comes and I am still trying to grasp it. Some say it's simple or just do this but easier said than done and you know I am not like just anyone, I am Jen Lewis and all my life I have had to learn in unique ways . Sometimes those moments involve some bruising and bumps but... that's the only way I will learn. I realize I am not the only one that has specific struggles or struggles in general , sometimes I just want people to see that I am struggling not necessarily solve everything but give me a hug or say it's going to be ok or even tell me a funny joke..... and it means a great deal to me when someone says they'll say a prayer because I know prayers do wonders.
I look at the great co-teacher I work (also good friend) with and friends that I have that understand who I am and sometimes understand me better than I understand myself .... I am so grateful for all of them because they put up with my silly and crazy side and still love me. Love breaks barriers and helps you know that when you make a mistake it's ok. Just wish I was better at remembering that when I need it the most and forget about trying to be perfect and just doing MY BEST !!!!
