Can't Wait !

I recently did my practicum at a school that i just love! I loved the teachers and everything and it seemed I was a part of the school's family. Even though I was only there for two weeks , I got attached to the kids. My co-worker says I was born to be a teacher ( including other traits). I felt that I could handle having a classroom in a public school. I know it isn't always easy but felt confident that I would be able to do it when the day comes. I can't wait for those sweet moments when a child gets excited about learning about history and a good grade and more. I know I get to taste it now as a pre k teacher but ... I know will continue to be great things in my path. I just have to cherish the moments I have and also learn from the moments.

My blog has a mind of it's own!

I know that I have posted blogs since the last one shown on my blog dashboard. It's so funny, technology seems to have a mind of it's own.

Veggies may taste good but you can't be one especially if you're human!

When I get off from work, I often just want to go home get Pj's on and just veg.

I realize more and more that I can't be a vegetable.



I know anybody that knows me , knows that when you ask how I am I usually say tired but good. I feel like I am always tired. I work,go to school and go to church and I do homework that's not necessarily a very fun life you have to have fun. I know it may seem goofy but I feel like I am not the only one out there that avoids human contact when they are tired. I am not a social butterfly , I know that. I know I need people. I need friends. I want friends. I was the happiest I had been in a long time on Thursday night. I want to a Relief Society Presidency / Dinner and we talked about the things we need to discussed but we also laughed and had some girl talk and it was so much fun. I came home feeling so happy because I seriously felt joy in my heart . It may sound corny but I did. I knew that despite how tired I am or otherwise not feeling up to it , I need to make an effort to go out and have fun and also to have adult conversations and to laugh. All work and no play makes for me being depressed I have realized and it helpse so much to have people around. Of course there will be moments to be alone but ... I know there is also a need to have fun. So Goals this coming week:

- One Church Activity this week in the evening.
-Read at least one verse of scripture
- go to gym three times
- work on journal


Balance is something I struggle with so if anyone has any ideas ... leave a comment.

A Fast

This morning I am fasting because one it's fasting and testimony sunday but second the purpose and reason for my fast is to gain better control of my eatting habits. Stress causes me to eat! I am stressed alot. I have realized that one of

the root problems is that I struggle to cope with stress in a healthy way. I have also learned from others who struggle with this probelm that it takes time to heal and adjust and work on. I also know that for my health I need to not eat my stress away because I am causing more stress by doing so. In our society, we celebrate, mourn,comfort with food. I want to find healthier alternatives. Some things I can do instead of eatting when I am stressed is : Cleaning, Exercise (Walk the Dog, Go to the Gym), Write (poetry or journal or free write), Read ( scriptures (#1), Book), Talk to a friend. I know this won't be an easy battle but I know through my Savior , Jesus Christ I can overcome. He died for us all and has already taken away those things and now all we need to do is release them (weaknesses, struggles) to him.

My LDS Profile

Check out my LDS Profile!!!!



http://mormon.org/me/4T37/

People are the best Medicine

I have discovered in my journey that people are the best medicine. We used other things to fill our lives and we often distances ourselves from people even at times when we don't realize it. I  do that alot because I have fears of rejection, conflict and so much more but when it comes down to it you need them. Rejection will come and you definately can't avoid conflict. We must see the best in people and realized that we can't live our lives behind a screen( tv, computer, cellphones, etc. ). I am mostly am writing this to myself and those like me because we hide from things that can help us. Recently my sweet Visiting Teachers helped me so much. They made me accountable to some goals I need to be working on. It hasn't been easy and they really helped me see that despite my fears that those goals are worth persuing. So it's going to be hard.... but with the Lord's help I can do anything. If you are struggling with anything that is the place to go, your Heavenly Father. There has been moments I have felt my world was coming down around me and the Lord has gotten me through it. 

Now , I need to just keep this in mind when I do have my moments of doubt that the Lord is there always and he overcame it all for us.  So if you are in doubt pick up your scriptures , say a prayer and it will help and also REMEMBER there are always people there for you that love you and what to help you.

The Photographer in me!

Lately, I have really been enjoying taking pictures. I love taking pictures. My grandfather was a photographer and also wanted to take classes but haven't had the time or money to devote alot to it. But when I can I take a picture of pretty things and also being a teacher , I also take alot of pictures of the kids to include in their portfolios. If I say so myself I am pretty good. Don't think I'll be in a magazine anytime soon but just putting some out there to see what you think .

Scattered Thoughts from Me !

                I am obviously awake and not sleeping right now. It seems like my mind seems to be like a guinea pig on a wheel alot lately . I figured I would write on my blog since it's been a while and since I can't seem to stop my mind and I need to pour it out somewhere. It's been a struggle for me figuring out my triggers of why I eat . Obviously STRESS !!!! but in my crazy Jen mind that means alot of things. I will be the first to admit I hate conflict and I hate disappointing others. It seemed this week was full of all of that. I have to get it through my head that I can't make everyone happy, I need to be striving to be happy myself.  Happiness seems to only come in small moments. I know happiness is all about attitude. You know knowing something is very different from understanding and applying it. I am still working on the second half.
              The phrase that keeps coming back to me time and time again is ONE DAY AT A TIME! ONE STEP AT A TIME! The Lord really wants me to learn it because time after time that prompting comes and I am still trying to grasp it. Some say it's simple or just do this but easier said than done and you know I am not like just anyone, I am Jen Lewis and all my life I have had to learn in unique ways . Sometimes those moments involve some bruising and bumps but... that's the only way I will learn. I realize I am not the only one that has specific struggles or struggles in general , sometimes I just want people to see that I am struggling not necessarily solve everything but give me a hug or say it's going to be ok or even tell me a funny joke..... and it means a great deal to me when someone says they'll say a prayer because I know prayers do wonders.

       I look at the great co-teacher I work (also good friend) with and friends that I have that understand who I am and sometimes understand me better than I understand myself .... I am so grateful for all of them because they put up with my silly and crazy side and still love me. Love breaks barriers and helps you know that when you make a mistake it's ok. Just wish I was better at remembering that when I need it the most and forget about trying to be perfect and just doing MY BEST !!!!
             

Anything but Gentle

I have never been gentle on myself. I have always beat myself up over almost every mistake. I want to change it and I know it's a mind over matter thing but some days it's easier than others. I feel like everything lately is at me. I have a lot I am trying to work on and that concept of one at a time or a day at a time is harder than it looks or is said.

I am working on my eating habits. I am working on dealing with emotions that have  been pushed down  for years. I know that faith and hope are needed but it's hard. I just pray I can push forward and have the strength!

I want to work on being more grateful  for the things around me and being less judgemental.

I am grateful for :
- My car
-My job
-Music
-A roof over my head
- The Gospel

Temple Day

It's been too long since I have been to the temple. I finally got to go to the temple today. I had a fun day and I also learned a lot and came back feeling refreshed. I left feeling drained and ready to hand in the towel. I came back with some hope that life is going to be fine. I know it's going to be hard to face the things I am about to face, but I have overcome so much and it's been all because of one thing : the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have never been a typical girl whatever that maybe because no one is typical to me, every one is a unique child of God. Yeah! we have similarities , we wouldn't get along if we weren't the same in some ways but we wouldn't have anything to learn if we weren't all unique either. I am just kind of typing out my thoughts not necessarily going for a specific blog topic. I learned some new things in the temple today which is so incredible any time we can learn new things !!!!!

I drove to the temple today! It was only the second time I drove to the temple but luckily I had an amazing guide both ways. I have also realized that despite my busy life I need to make the time for the temple because if I don't I am going to feel even more drained than usual, and feel less hope. 

This week was a hard week with many things happening some easier than others.  I am so grateful for a temple that is near even if we have to travel through DC traffic. It's worth it!! I am grateful for the temple and the blessings that come with being worthy to enter and attending. www.lds.org

Refocus!!!!!!

          I feel that there is this expectation in pretty much all aspects of my life that I need to be perfect. Mistakes are seen as a tragedy. It's not always the pressure from outside sources but also my inner sources (myself). There are days where I can work past that pressure and know that doing my best is what counts and just push forward. However lately it hasn't been easy. I have been struggling to keep my balance in my life's responsibilities. There are days where it's a struggle to just wake up and get through the door to work but once I do I feel better and I just try to take it a day at a time. I am sorry that I sound a bit of a pessimist but I fight that inner pessimist every day to be more of a optimist. That has been my fight all of my life, I know I am not the only one.

  It's time for refocus! I know this! I can't change my life and start brand new. I must simply refocus and find solution to the struggles I am having.

I know that I can be better with alot of things.  I will set new goals and refocus!

1) Spend at least 5 minutes a day reading the scriptures!
2) Pray every morning and evening and kneel. Pray more often through out the day.
3) Be a better communicator in all aspects of my life: Pray for strength to over come my fears of communication.
4) Strive to see the positive in all situations and people!


These are just some...

Eat, Pray, Love

Last night, I put on the movie " Eat, Pray, Love" which I had been wanting to see and starting putting my bed together. So backing up , my bed broke , it was wooden and old and it just broke. I had to get a new metal framed one. I tried to put the bed together and it wasn't working for me so I was going to wait until my aunt comes home and helps me.

While , I loved the movie, it even made me cry at the end because at the end she not only found her balance so to speak but also found love. I look at movies like that and in some respect wish it was me. I wish it was so easy to just drop your work, etc and just go off to foreign countries in search of yourself. Of course she was somewhat wealthy with her writing , I'm guessing.  Movies also make it seem like it's so easy to just fall in love and find that person while it's not!

Do we trully have get to that point where we feel trully balanced? I feel like juggling everyday to make things work.  I strive to put priorities first and go from there and it seems , I never quite get any further on my to do list than those priorities. Yes, I know it's important and great I am getting those things done but I wish there was a balance between all things. I feel like all I do is homework, going to work and doing work stuff and more. I suppose the only thing we can do is do our best and keep truckin  and of course stay positive.

Control

I am by no means superwoman! I am not Mother Theresa. I am Jen Lewis, pre-K teacher, student, daughter, and member of the LDS Church and VT Coorindator. Today was a day like most but it ended on a bit of a frustrating note. A child that choose to be very disrespectful to me. He repeatly told him no when I told him to do something. It was the end of the day and so I wasn't as patient as I should have been but he just really got to me. Which I know is the worst thing you can do. Why is it a child loves to see parents or authority figures get upset? I know part of it is attention. I would think, I don't want this kind of attention where I am in trouble, I would much rather get love and praise. I still love and care for this child but it hit a level for me that I felt like I am not going to let a four year old treat me like this. I spoke with my supervisor and said what can I do... she in not so many terms said keep your cool and don't take it personally.

I feel I have come to learn some control but today or at least that moment at the end of my work day I didn't quite have it. Of course no matter what I would not ever hurt a child no matter what.

I am grateful I am learning these things.

I am just really realizing the importance of control in all aspects of my life. If it's not control my eatting habits, It's controling my emotions, using time wisely, SELF_CONTROL and more. All these things would be out the door if it wasn't for the holy spirit and my Heavenly Father. Of course I am not perfect and I am not always in control but I have more control than I use to. My mission and going to school and callings have helped me develop the tools and skills I need to get through everyday.

My personal struggle!

I am human! I struggle to cope with stress in a healthy way! My stress is linked with my stomach! I continue to say I am tired of this but I am a yo-yo in this department! I am sick of eatting my way to happiness but it's not something that can just be magically solved. I want your thoughts and your advice! So far my best solution is to stay busy but than when I settle down I want to eat !

What are some of your ideas that help you with emotional eatting?

My purpose

I smelled a familar smell that triggered memories of someone that was very special to me and very special to me still just not in the same context. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't take this path on I am on would I have been as happy as I am . Yea! I know there are things I can change , and I can do better but I am happy! I feel like I have a purpose! I am going to school , I go to work and work with children everyday. I may not feel like I am making a difference everyday but I am definately do more than just sitting back and watching life go past me. I know that this maybe a common topic on my blog but it's something that is on my mind often. It's also a reminder to me that I am doing to something good and I am not completely useless. I definately don't feel that blogs should be filled with mindless things but things that have substance and meaning to the individual that is writing it and reading it.
I have a deep desire to one day be a wife and a mother! I know that this will come in God's time and at this moment I am comfortable with being single and focusing on strengthening myself and my purpose. I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the opporunity to be around children everyday (even though it can be quite a challenge) to not only gain experience for being a mother but also to be able to feel like a mom. I trully feel that everyday when I walk into work and I have 10 to 20 something children seeking to be taken care of and attention and to be loved.