Life is a learning and growing process.....

I feel like I have learned so much in the last few months about : myself, dating and guys ( just beginning to understand a small amount), life , God's Plan for me and his love.  I have always been one to overreact and over think things. I have learned that the end of the world will not come if you don't get everything cleaned today or you make a mistake. I have finally have realized it's ok to have moments of sorrow and grief or where you just scream as long as they level out and you have more good days where you feel happiness and joy.
               I am still trying to balance my days out but... I feel like understanding these things are at least 1/4 or more of the battle.  I have had kind of lazy day. I didn't get out of bed until late and I got homework done and that was about it.  So I didn't climb Mt. Everest but I got something done and tomorrow is another day. Life is a learning and growing process where will fall but we must keep getting back up. We are all works in progress and we expect perfection in ourselves or others or we will continue to be let down. I am not saying to give up and not believe in achieve great things , I am just saying... we need to be more gentle with ourselves.
          Heavenly Father loves us so much , he sees great potential in us all. One of many struggles is to see that potential in myself . I have always based my happiness on other's acceptance of me rather then loving myself more.  I am writing about this because I know I am not the only one who struggles with self doubt or fear. Heavenly Father sent us here to succeed and not to get out the boxing gloves and start a boxing match with ourselves.  We must make our own happiness in our lives. So our lives aren't exactly the way we expected them to be right now : marriage, family, big house and big yard and more.  Is life ever the way we expect it to be ? If God let us plan our lives would we be trully as happy as we will be with God's plan for us ? I know it's hard  !It's definately especially for me to realize I have to let go of that control in my life.  The Lord wants us to take action to be proactive but realize if we are following his way we have to sacrifice some things like pride and understanding go on faith and know he will take care of you.  I struggle to give that will to God everyday because I want to know what will happen , I want to know the unknown about the details of my life but... guess what I won't know , I have to go on faith and know God loves me and he will take care of me. 

          I have learned that it's ok if you have days where every second of every day you are praying to God for strength because that means you are relying on him and finding strength in him.  As I have done this , I have also seen the hand of God in my life. I remember a day last week where I was feeling really down and it was hard to just get out of bed much less do anything else. I got up and I got on my knees and I prayed. I prayed before I got out of my car at work too. I said get me through this day... give me strength. It turned out that I was able to work with the little babies that day about a year out at my daycare. I was so busy I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself and by the end of the day I got in my car and said wow! this morning I felt like crap and the Lord got me through it by keeping me busy. I said a prayer and thanked him for getting me through the day. I have a great deal to be grateful for in my life : a degree and soon to be two degrees, a roof over my head, family and friends that love me and cheer me on, a car , a full time job with benefits of experience in my career and much more.  I know that it's going to be hard but because the Lord is my strength, I can get through anything.  I am grateful for all the experiences (good, bad, indifferent, crazy) and people that have lead me where I am and made me who I am and helped me learn so much.

Cry or Celebrate

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father, he has blessed me so much, but I must also say I get pretty impatient and frustrated with his plan for me. I realize after some fighting that he knows best. I always come to that conclusion that he knows best but I still often doubt and lack faith in that plan.
My life of course like anybody's life is unpredictable and some times or I should say often hard.
I definately don't understand it all but I know Heavenly Father loves me and would never forsake me.
I have to simply trust in him and his plan. I pray for hope and faith every day to understand what he is having me do and often times to just get through the day. Some times we must just put him first and put one foot in front of the other. I know these are simple principles but it seems like we tend to have the hardest time with the simpliest things.

I have felt alot of ups and downs lately and I realize fighting what I am feeling doesn't help, that the feelings I am having need to happen to help mold me. I am not saying you keep negative thoughts and let them get you down. What I mean is : Let yourself cry or celebrate when you need to.  I have done plenty of crying and celebrating. I am so grateful for my friends and family who have been there for me. I am so grateful also for prayer because having that relationship with my Heavenly Father has been what has strengthened me and given me the peace I need. I wanted to write about this because one I know I am not the only one that has felt this way or is feeling this way, and also I find writing helps me think and get things out as well as is a history and some thing to reflex on later on.

A Bipoem I wrote about me!

Jennifer

Compassionate, Strong ,   Intelligent, and Creative

Half my heart belongs to Virginia and the other half of my heart belongs to Colorado.

Love God , Education, my Family and Friends

Believes in seeing the good in everyone,  and education to be so important to us all.

Need more Faith and Peace , Strength and Money

Gives all she has ; her time , love and ideas.

Fears failure and rejection

Would love to see Scotland, Ireland and the People of the World to show more kindness to each other.

Lewis

Taking the Positive and Running With It

         Today was a good day over all. I have always had a hard time taking things people comment about and making it personal. But today I was pretty proud of myself because I choose see the fact that I did my best and if this individual had a such a problem with it , they could get over it and move on because it wasn't that big of a deal to begin with. I am proud because in the past I would begin to say negative things in my brain about how awful I am or stupid but today I choose to instead say... you did your best and the students learned some thing and they had fun and you even enjoyed yourself.  I am a work in progress I like to say rather then I am not perfect. I feel like a work in progress means ... you got good things going on with you and you are adding more onto it. 

         I also received a compliment from my supervisor through another co-worker that the children had fun while I was in their class and they really liked me ! So I always choose to record the positive compliments I get because I can look back at them when I am feel down or incapable and remember I am loved and appreciated.  Seeing the positive is pretty hard but as I have been doing it , I feel better.I still have my down moments but I feel like my down moments aren't nearly as frequently or low as they use to be.  I also rely on the Lord as much as I can because getting through some moments or days seems unbearable. I am so grateful for that strength and peace God gives me each day. I am know that I will always have trials but choosing to see the good in all things helps the journey to be brighter and less stressful. 

So remember to see the positive in all.... because it will help through and God will definately give you the strength too.